tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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I ma back

Ok.. I have unlocked my diary.. not that there was so much to keep hidden.. but people are so cruel and with what I was working on.. I did not need anothers bad words or thoughts.
I am healthy .. though the gods have strange ways of working...
Had I not had this scare.. I would have gotten closer to Michael... we were getting close and then I pulled back. Michael would have thought this was his purpose.. to help me.. and I did not want that from him and so could not tell him what was going on.. He took that as my withdrawal.. and it has certainly screwed up our whatever relationship.
and Dave... well.. we have fun together and we were suppose to spend time this weekend.. doing fun things.. like hiking in the fall colors and laughing and going to dinner... so what happens.. my mouth starts to swell and breaks out in this yucky looking stuff.. I think it was an allergic reaction to eating Mangoes... my new diet regimen that was going to keep me healthy... ha... well so much for this weekend.
and everytime I turn around it is about Dan that it all comes back to...
and the runes... always telling me that what I am disowning will heap/ reap havoc on my soul..
Not fair... why should he have his life and do whatever and I have to stay true to what of him??? Not fair at all..
the goods and I have got to have a serious talk about this.. oh I know.. they say it is not him that I am staying faithful to but my belief that they will make things alright for me..
Hmmm Sucky job they have done so far... Yes, Yes.. I know it is about experiencing and my scared contract and all that.. but you know.. just for a little bit could I not have to be alone????
I know it is not about fairness... or any of that conditioning.. but.. just for once.. couldn't it work out nicely for me? Is that too much to ask?
I can her their laughter now.. and then of course..
what pops into my mind but... do you know.. is he alright?
Not fair... Not fair at all.

8:18 a.m. - 2004-10-03

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