tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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lie sucks

go thru the weekend barely...

james concert was wonderful and I was glad J went with me.. we talked and tried to understand who each other is. I listened to him.. he is so very intelligent..

so why do I have such reservations.. because he has a learning disability that he has overcome... because he doesn't spell well.. but he knows things.. he can do things.. he is nice..

so why can't I let him touch me..
He wants me to come out next weekend.. show me his house.. his land..16 acres.. his shop.. his studio.. relax in his hot tub.. relax with him.

I smiled when James' Harvard interview turned out to be this Friday... I smiled.. changes his plans... haven't told him yet.. but they have changed.

I am leaving everything in the hands of the gods... I can't be hurt anymore.. and dan still lingers in my heart and mind..

dan.. a part of my soul... a part of me.

and Johnny.. I miss johnny.

funny how just talking with him... funny how for the first time in so many many years... I felt safe.

Safe like I felt when I was young and Johnny was around.. no matter how bad everything was in my house.

I miss johnny.. I miss my best friend.

6:15 a.m. - 2004-11-15

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