tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- are the gods laughing at me? I am trying ... really.. I am But it's his face.. the first in my mind's eye each morning... when I say my morning prayers to the gods.. he comes right after my son. how do I move on? I told J last night about James interview.. about my brother coming out... I forgot to tell him James and I had tickets to see Peter Pan on Sunday..No, I didn't forget.. I just didn't like how he was making me feel. It is not wrong of me to be close to my son... I will not let him make me feel as if something is wrong.. as if I am being overly parental. We are in the beginning stages of trying to date... How dare he make me feel torn... Dan did not make me feel that way... we were the same in regards to our kids.. I knew he understood.. even took pleasure in giving advice and helping with my son.. help that went in the same direction as we were already headed. I know.. I know... I have to get over comparing anyone to Dan.. But.. this is important.. I will not be in a relationship that I have to worry about this.. I don't like how it makes me feel. and maybe... just maybe.. it is the gods working in my life... I am thinking it is.. and if it is why haven't they worked on how I feel about Dan.. why has nothing changed... why do I know that if he walked in the door today ... I would run to him with open arms... shouldn't they concern themselves with that? why do I feel they are smiling at my inability to understand? 6:25 a.m. - 2004-11-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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