tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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Steps

the schools are starting to show lots of interest... now to just get all his mid term reports in.. and a couple of last minute visits.. then the waiting starts for real..
A trip to SL again.. should be hearing soon when they want to interview him. Lots of money.. big scholarship at stake. Will I be able to go and not contact Dan.. that is the big question.
He called last night.. just to thank me for his b-day card I am sure but I didn't answer.. the phone rings so seldom now that I forget to have it in my hearing. By the time I realized.. I couldn't call back.. I couldn't deal with another answering his phone.. and the confidence I hear in her voice when she answers.
But... I went on another first date last night.. dinner.. and then came home.. too cold to do much else. Really nice guy.. or so he seems.. He took my hand to cross the street and I didn't feel repulsed.. That is a start... though I was conscious of the fact that he was holding my hand and wondering how to gracefully detach myself from it. Standing in line at the restaurant he put his arm around me once and I must have flinched unconsciously as he dropped it quickly.
We talked and laughed and were comfortable with each other... as long as he stayed within the boundaries I had built without even knowing.
It helps knowing he is an hour + away from me.. that he has his daughter every other week.. baby steps.. that is what I am taking.
I still have not taken the pictures off my desk from last summer and Dan... maybe soon... but that will be a much bigger step and one I am not willing to think about yet.

9:40 a.m. - 2005-01-29

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