tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why? sleep did not come often last night.. the waking of terror each time I started to give into the sleep. Not sure why.. I have had a quiet weekend.. just me and the kid.. nothing much has happened to cause this... or has it. Work is terribly difficult right now.. but that is not what is in my mind when I wake.. Colleges and applications and where James will end up is certainly on my mind. did I do something dishonest on my taxes? that could be playing with my mind. trying to sort out John... missing Johnny.. wondering where I will end up living.. big weight on the mind.. when to put the house up for sale.. how soon.. and if we move as soon as the kid graduates... where will he find a summer job that he will need... and where will we move to?????? should I go visit New orleans in a couple weeks or wait until we have to go to st louis for the interview... or will they co-incide? ... or is it all about Dan and the fact that he called a couple of times this week... and I really hoped he would call yesterday.. and I saw him on line and wanted to hear his voice... since that is the face in my minds eye each time I woke.. and then when I felt him in the night ( probably having sex ) yep.. I bet it is him that is worrying my sleep so. Crap... I just want peace... want to fall in love with John and live happily ever after... why wasn't the happily ever after meant for me? 8:19 a.m. - 2005-02-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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