tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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alone

i check the weather for each place I think about moving to.. weather is important.. I am alone and hate the cold... I need heat.. I need to feel the land and not when it is a frozen tundra. Soon I will move.. I am excited.

Today... this morning.. another Harvard interview.. James is so excited.. he knows it is important.. this one. with the head of the interview process thing. Last night he became ill.. I know it is just his nerves.. he wants so badly to represaent himself well. He will do fine and what is meant to be will happen.
Last year when we had come back from stl and checking out schools.. he was so sure.. he wanted to live there and go to school there. Life happens. But before we had all the bad stuff happen..when we got home in the mailbox a letter from Harvard.. a thought to a path in another direction.
the gods... I wish I understood. While typing my thoughts ran to an idea.. a thought.. a possibility.. and then in my ears from the television... an announcer telling me about the Orchid show in stl.. at the Missouri Botanical Gardens. I wanted to be there. Orchids.
The path of my thoughts.. halted and back to where I have always been.. to him and life and thoughts of where I felt the most comfortable at..well, for a few years now anyway.
But now.. on to the interview... and then tomorrow the kids b-day. 18... where did the years go? My baby... I will hug him this morning before we leave.. how long has it been that I have touched my son... hmmm ... only to comb his hair.. now so long.
hmmm... i want my baby boy back.. at least then I was not alone.

7:09 a.m. - 2005-03-05

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