tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just settling matters Roses and Ghirardelli Chocolates.. really now.. who is this man Ben? I haven't really thought much about him.. we talked for a few days.. actually he IM's me..we really didn't talk.. I assumed it was some kids as his writing seemed to be by different peoples.. and now this.. though the card with the flowers... I owuld think if it was an adult they would have spelled simple words correctly.. I know it was done over computer... but ... who is this man Ben? and on another note.. again my sleep disturbed by terror.. waking as if the fear is deep inside me... but now.. I am calm again.. and a smile on my face and in my heart.. peace has returned... yet why do I feel as if his name is not far from my conscious mind or soul.. or is it because our souls have always been connected and in trying to disconnect.. I do us an injustice? and John...why do I smile when I see a message from him.. even when he sounds cranky because he is tired..and is he maybe the cause of my disturbed sleep.. am I frightened to let go... to fall into this person.. to take the chance of someone being able to hurt me. My runes... my sacred path cards. they all tell me what I know. Trust in the gods.. in the universe.. in myself.. it will work out fine.. it will be alright.. I love.. I will be loved and I am happy and I will be happier still. and old angers were resolved last night when I spoke with Gene... I even admitted that he had really hurt my feelings with his lies and deceptions... I can hold a lot of anger.. we hadn't spoken since he went to Europe last Novenber ... except for the day we saw each other and I told him never to try to speak with me again. Resolving old stuff... I met with S also over last weekend... He knew i was leaving that there was no chance and upon meeting.. certainly could never is my wildest dreams work out.. I love children.. but.. his kid.. couldn't do it... but his kid settled my guilt feelings when he went to get more medicine and the kid asked if I were the one who helped people and that was going to help them... His father had talked with him about me,,,, but not as I would want someone to talk about me.. He had a thought that I would take care of them both... Ain't gonna happen... and now.. I don't even like him. Settling all affairs before I go... not as if I have been dating any of them.. just settling matters... stuff. 6:14 a.m. - 2005-05-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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