tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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Cradle time

when I was young.. beginning of 9th grade... I was frightened... couldn't get my locker opened and there he was.. a senior helping me. We became great friends..I developed a crush on him and he liked me too... my parents forbid it of course.. no dating at my age and certainly I was not allowed to date a senior.
No one knew my real feelings and for months it hurt.. until one day.. in church.. something clicked with me and THE god. I understood and asked for help. At that moment the hurt stopped and I never looked back.
Religion and the gods became confusingly real to me... my faith in the gods never wavered .. I knew the way.. but the religion part... hindered for many years my progress.
Other times alomg my way the help came.. immediate and sure.
When it didn't I blamed and doubted.. knowing in reality I didn't truly want what I thought I wanted.. not in the way I needed to want.
but this whole Jesus thing.. I thnk I now understand.. just a bit more.
It is a wonderful spring. Seeds planted long ago... desires of the soul.. beginning to grow.
and I would love to discuss it all with d .. but that is not to be.. he has his life and I must not intrude...
still this is a need of mine.. someone to discuss it all with...
I will throw it to the universe as I climb into the cradle
I am blessed as never before.

8:12 a.m. - 2005-05-15

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