tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- difficult day how quickly everything turns.. how difficult to stay in the cradle.. on the path of calm. and without a clue as to the whys.. I suspect just a turning of the wheel, or rather.. I have touched someone's anger and I in a weakened state am not able to deflect. The runes this morning said to make sure I am taking care of my health and of situations in which i am being used. I smiled as I think much of this is due to all of that. Yesterday.. my boss... on a holiday .. on a weekend... made demands that I resented... but because he is my boss, I was not able to effectively counter. and that started the spiral... and my "dad"... since the kid would not be here.. and since I already resent what everyone feels is my responsibilty.. I told him I was not having a cook out.. I was already feeling the influence of work and was having trouble dealing with him also. He totally ignored what I said and went along with what he wanted. In a weakened state mentally I ended up cooking and more resentment. and this damn thing to go to this coming weekend is making me feel more used... but now that I know the path I am on... I will amend this one.. straightaway. and the kid... last night as I was still working at 9:00 PM on a holiday.. pushed his wants on me and I finally collapsed.. bringing a sleep disturbed by fear and desolation. but the runes.. this morning giving me insight. a turn of the wheel.. an understanding.. and i am smiling again. but woe to the next person that expects more than I want to give. 7:16 a.m. - 2005-05-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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