tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- another day the kid is coming on strong.. he doesn't want me to move. The apartment complex called yesterday to say an apartment was available... so that settles the where.. and now the when. of course, the kid is pulling out all the big guns.. stressing brushwood.. the psychic highway we live on.. he saw the shades last night.. much the same sa we saw a year ago.. and he wants me to meet the man that uncovers truth.. and an old shaman that lives nearby.. He found it all... everything I need and want.. so what is it I am leaving for.. warmer temps?..no.. not really.. more in search of love.. wanting to love again with all my heart and soul.. wanting to feel that.. he has to be out there.. I know I asked the gods for that special love that comes along once in a lifetime.. I found it .. but he has his path and though ours converged for but a brief moment in time.. his detoured off. Dinner with J was wonderful.. we had a good time.. I could be content.. financially no worries.. we are so similar in our interests.. and he seems to know much... but.. I know how I felt each morning waking before D and looking at his sleeping face.. and during the day... never once looking at the clock or wondering when the day would be over.. when I could escape to my aloneness. it didn't feel as if D was an intrusion in my life.. sometimes it does with J.. or is that only because I can not fall into him.. I can't / won't let that happen... and sex..well, see.. still have a problem with that. so where am I at on my path? and once the kid goes off to college.. what is it I really want.. maybe just to be alone. I haven't been in many years.. it has been the kid and I obviously for the last 18.. a whole new world is out there.. with gentleness and acceptance.. much goodness & happiness I feel is on its way to me.. if just in the ability to smile when morning breaks. and what would I be moving towards anyway? closer to D? I need to think about that honestly.. 6:30 a.m. - 2005-06-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||