tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thank the gods for another day It was a great day yesterday.. just getting thru a day without emotional pain is great... you know, when the heart is not aching.. but then for dreams to have come back.. desires .. thoughts.. the ability to laugh at nothing.. to have just faith that my life..this time around.. as worthless as it may be in the greater scheme of things, is on track is even better. and so coming home yesterday.. I decided to look for what it is I want.. I typed in the state I wanted to look in.. as I thought that is where it would be... and what popped out but exactly what I want... but in D's state no less. It wasn't what I thought I would want but it was... exactly what I would be happy with ... without airs.. without feelings of being less than capable. I knew .. this was what I wanted... and now to make it happen. I need money.. lots.. but I am thinking that too should come... If I finally have gotten to the place that I know where to direct my energies.. why, the rest has to be easy. I will call the contact person.. He says he will take over the management for a season or two to make sure I understand the running and nothing gets neglected or forgotten. and in D's state.. hmmmm and then the mail came.. and the kid was awarded a couple of scholarships... one he will have to turn down as he is going to a college out of state.. last night the kid danced.. tonite I will go to see the show.. J will go with me... he knows I am planning on leaving.. I have been honest. How right it feels to leave nothing behind unfinished. well, must get L a card thanking her for our friendship and good energy vibes that she sends me most days. waking without thought for what could have been and optimistic for what may be.. knowing my path towards happiness.. I am truly a child of the gods ... and if I am a child of the gods.. the holy books thru out time say we all are... well then... as a child god I just must learn how to sit up walk run skip hop jump as a god... I think I just learned how to roll over. 7:19 a.m. - 2005-06-11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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