tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- where is he now? Ny birthday - he did not call. When the day had ended and I knew the call would not come... no card in the mail.. no flowers delivered to my door.. I was frightened. It was over in the most simplest of all ways. A shutting of the door. This morning awakened by the connection felt from someone. I wanted it to be him. I tried to picture his face and I did... I felt his cool tanned skin under my fingertips... and I felt the purest of all the loves for him. But the door had shut and it was over. I thought then of the move... and my brothers dog.. and stuff that needs to be done. I thought of James and school and expenses and tensing.. the day did not start the way it should have this morning. So I thought of how blessed I am to have my son. Last night he went to his party... for a short while.. did not go to rehearsal but instead surprised me by coming homw early with my present. A mouse.. a colorful cage and mouse food and treats. He felt bad for me when my wild mouse had died.. I had tried so hard to keep it alive.. so he got me one from the pet store... He named it Kupo. I laughed .. shouldn't I be the one to name it? and calls of good wishes came... and T brought over a huge basket of purple petunias... just 2 minutes he said to my son.. just tell your mom I want two minutes of her time. It was a calm and peaceful b-day.. but no d... not this year. and inside.. deep.. I know... it will take another lifetime .. I can't do this anymore to myself. and I looked at her paintings and thought.. there is a bond there... is there room for me? and the call from my crow seems to answer. 7:23 a.m. - 2005-07-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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