tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- don't you understand? so he was there last night.. in my dreams.. in my wnats .. my desires. I touched his face. he smiled and said he had missed my smile.. I said I had missed his also. and then we laughed.. that deep laugh that brings your soul to the surface and the cleansing was complete. We loved each other.. completely and totally once again. but had we stopped I asked and if we had could it have ever been that love that spans the centuries? he went to answer but before he opened his mouth we started to shine.. brightly.. golden as the sun on a warm autumn day. I looked around startled.. and we both smiled as we started floating... he grabbed my hand... not out of fear or trepidation.. so we would experience this together, together.. I understood love.. his path.. love.. my path. lessons and how the human side of us sometimes gets the better. but our love was pure and good and just was... not because of.. or inspite of.. we loved.. as always. swirling in the colors started me giggling and like a chain reaction.. he giggled which led me to more giggling... until finally exhausted we lay in each others arms.. still floating on a pillow of utmost softness. I closed my eyes, head resting on that spot in his shoulder that my head fit so well..savoring this moment.. he kissed my forehead.. he kissed my closed eyelids.. he kissed the tip of my nose. I love you, he said... and from lifetimes and eons and the depth of my soul.. I love you... I said. by all that's holy and pure... gods and little children.. why this dream now? the doors no longer shut and the aloneness upon waking and d not being on the pillow next to me.. is like sandpaper being scratched across on open wound. OK.. is this about denial????? so what? I don't believe in the self effacing pain that so many believe... I believe in sunlight and energy and all things positive.. this hurts so... don't you understand.. this dream.. as beautiful as it was... upon waking.. the hurt is more than i can take... don't you understand. it hurts too much to love this man.. don't you understand?????? 6:20 a.m. - 2005-07-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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