tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- he will be leaving - can't change that it is almost here. that next chapter of my life.. with child but not WITH child... so my aloneness will become the next door opening.. curious what will be on the other side, I have to wonder though of the trials, the lessons to learn, my son has written in that ageless book... his experiences to face this time around. Some are easy to read... you only have to be with them a short time to know what they are to work on this time around.. but the kid.. what is in his? His life is stretched out before him.. his college years.. his ambition.. his deep caring for humanity ( even that one surprised me )who is he? last night as he was packing.. laughing as his room started to actually look clean as he packed more and more.. the phone call came... one of his dearest friends mother died. He had told me as they were all to meet for coffee and sweets in the afternoon that it had been cancelled because her mother had been taken to the hospital.. he has not had to deal with anything like this... parents are not to die this early...I saw his mind working.. will I be here when he gets back, I hugged him.. He felt helpless,, he did not know how to help his friend thru this... she has had to go thru so much in her young lifetime already.. and now this. He was frightened. I didn't sleep well.. fear ... my child leaving.. fear of other stuff.. and this morning... they were here... talking all around me.. he comforting and she.. sad.. why was the veil between the worlds so open... why was I allowed this glimpse.. I looked around sure someone else was here... next to me.. if I only reached out.. I would touch.. but then on the road.. outside.. their faint images. was that to remind me that in my aloneness we are never alone? 6:12 a.m. - 2005-08-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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