tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somedays so what is bothering me that wakes me terified in the middle of the night? something... maybe has to do with my son...maybe finances.. maybe fear of being on the worng path. I don't know.. but fear woke me. my kitten sensed my fear.. or maybe she was frieghtened also but she came and curled up with me.. to be safe under the covers... she hasn't done that since last winter on a particularly cold night. It wasn't cold last night. I went to sleep thinking of the big trees.. I asked were they oaks... he wasn't sure.. thought so ...the ancients... now wondering if I will be ever able to find them. My quest. The walk into the valley is alright.. long and downhill.. it is the walk back out.. the climb... too long.. too steep. An old trucking road.. the trees were too big for them to log so the legend goes... but that was 100 years ago.. almost... the trees then were huge... and they used horses to pull the wagons out then. We need to be in better shape probably. Of course, knowing my impatience... maybe that is what is causing my distress. and not knowing how my son did on his calc tes.. and not having the courage to call D and ask him to email the kid. The kid would be happy... and D should know the words to say to encourage him.. much better than words from .. just mom... and he needs the encouragement now. and feeling completely alone... knowing there is absolutely no one... my runes .. the split rune...the magic one.. did it bring D to my mind yesterday.. why yes it did...is that what it was all about. and could that be the cause of my distress.. knowing that D is still in my heart.. but if I let myself feel.. how much harder will it be to get past the hurt.. when he would do it to me again. Somedays are just more confusing than others. Somedays. 6:58 a.m. - 2005-09-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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