tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- again today I cried yesterday. It was a combination of stuff... stuff beyond my control.. stuff seemingly not worthy of that reaction... but I cried. Head down on folded arms... complete. I can understand why... I know the real reasons why.. and maybe it was all about the expelling. for I did, you know. I like the laughter as therapy much better than that soul wrenching sobs of yesterday. and my runes thsi morning answering questions I did not know I wanted or dared to ask... answers anyway. Funny how it keeps reeminding me I am to trust.. jump empty handed into the void... the dark night of the soul has passed. only today left of the kids break... I will put him on the bus tomorrow.... tearfully I suspect... though I am happy he is where he is.. I will be happier when he calls and says.. I am on campus. Samhein is coming..and I must remember... I must immerse myself in what was, what is, and what will be the circle of my life my soul's obsession.. he confuses my energy. I must remember his darkness is not my path to travel.. at least not hand in hand. and I must remember something else.. where my nourishment comes from. there is something opening up... the path.. in my mind and in my vision, I must take it.. soul open... accepting without any clear plan of where that path is going. trusting completely ... it is time to climb out of the cradle... stand on the precipice of life... arms out stretched and let go. trust. not concerned where I end up.. only trusting that it is exactly where I am meant to be. and so this morning.. the love I feel is boundless. 7:29 a.m. - 2005-10-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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