tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't like today the child goes back to school today.. Child I call him.. Young adult I should... but he will always be that little boy to me. He has had a good week here... he had forgotten so many he should see... and saw almost everyone he thought important. and some, he was saddened by what just a few months away had turned them into. I told him it was what they had always been but he was too near them to be able to step outside and view. I will miss him.. we talked at length about grades and his finances.. about being more responsible with both. I am not the one who will easily accept the .. it is so hard ... I know what he is capable of and just because he is surrounded by others just as capable does not mean he is less capable. winter is coming.. though the golds are still wonderfully warm in the sunshine... though fewer now than the week before. I will go to the hills after the kid leaves today. and thoughts... a message from a friend... just dreams.. as much as I could get lost in it... my mind tells me he is bored and so just dreaming .. and I am easy to dream with... I fall into the dream naturally.. but reality says.. he doesn't mean anything... just a dream. So.. life is as always.. and I spend my time trying to stay mentally in a safe.. albeit alone... place. and what I need.. J can't give... and what he needs I can't give.... but I have a large library of books to get me thru the cold of winter. it will be the lack of color that will be the hardest for me. but for today... many tears in store.. as I say goodby to the kid... and the short drive home alone unbearable. 7:31 a.m. - 2005-10-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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