tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and where is it taking me too.. and how morning... didn't sleep well last night.. so in the middle of the night... took sleepy tea and went back to sleep.. now I do not want to be awake. possibilities.. lack of kept me awake.. shutting of doors.. realizations. Samhein soon.. I will go to the celebration.. but only for the ritual.. not the gathering before ... Surpisingly I feel no sadness for any of it... I spent the day yesterday in reflection... the kid got back to school safely.. very very long trip on a bus.. but he is safe and happy... my prayers are that his grades improve. and I thought about my relationships .. or lack of... and my desire to get into another.. or lack of. My runes this morning talk about the winter of my spiritual life. I saw D on the internet yesterday and did not reach out.. it was my ego.. that which I am to overcome.. so too.. because of the way J is.. I did not reach out to him either.. ego again. I did not throw the positive out.. I got lost in the aloneness... reflection... little chores.. jobs... tasks.. busy stuff... it is good.. but my soul needs what I did not give it yesterday.. so my night was filled with fears. I need to walk away... to give of myself... I want to be out there moving stones... comforting children... wiping the dirt from their faces. I want to be in those places that no one goes to.. helping... where my name gets lost in the mix... but the smile warms... maybe that is all I have to offer.. a warm smile... comforting arms.. and just maybe a laugh to brighten the saddest of days. I think there is a change coming.. my path is going down a more narrow trail.. the cobblestones have disappeared.. now the path is dirt overcome with vines and much much green. I throw my energy out this morning.. very reverently.. change.. welcome at this time.. 6:52 a.m. - 2005-10-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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