tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the beginning This peace.. this wonderful peace.. it took much to get to this place. But here I am. Even when the caustic reply from D came... I worried about that... what my reaction would be. It was the "correct" decision and I stayed in this place of beginnings and endings... at peace with what was and starting the new with no regrets. There will probably always be that spark of hope for what could have been with D for I love him deeply and in ways I don't think he is capable of. and the kid found out he did not get the part in the play.. he hasn't told me yet.. actually.. he hasn't gotten back to me at all. I hope it is because he is learning how to cope ,, How I learned is probably not important.. certainly many would say not right.. but I believe as a parent it is our responsibility ot make sure our children are in safe places.. in all ways.. mentally.. emotionally.. physically and spiritually. So I keep check in maybe unorthodox ways.. But it works for us.. In times of disappointmnet .. I can be supportive having already dealt with my own disappointment for him... in times of joy.. I can temper my own happiness with the realization that he needs his space to experience the good with others of his age and so show the right amount of happiness for him.. Having already jumped for joy. It has worked for us.. sometimes it is hard .. it is just us.. and I can't become a worrisome burden to him.. more than I already am. I think that is why he loved D so much.. besides their natural connection.. their loves of similar stuff... he saw him as someone that would be could for me.. that could take over this "responsibility" he sees himself in. Today.. how apropos... my daily rune.. the blank stone. and so.. today is the first day of the rest of my life. I thank the gods for this day... and for my peace, 6:01 a.m. - 2005-11-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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