tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- optimistic - weekend coming thoughts.. peoples.. memories.. I just can't connect them all together. but I know they go together somehow.. and the kid is better.. hanging on by a thread... I will either go to him or he will come home for Thanksgiving... but part of me says.. just hop in the car and go to him this weekend... but I know that would not be right... he would feel like I was babying him... though deep down I know that is what he would want... but his friends... that is what he wouldn't want them to see... and he has his plans for the weekend.. but I would go.. I would still haven't heard from he who can turn my world inside out on a moments notice... is that a surprise... he whose words are not connected to his heart which is not connected to his libido... which is not connected to his soul... a man of parts.. and he knows I want the whole or nothing.... but I can't think much about that... I need to keep myself sending positive energy to the universe... for myself and for the kid... I like the calm... the opening to the universe... I like the knowledge I will be able to love... I know that now.. and this dating thing is fun... especially when at the end of the night.. I can come home to my own house.. my own bed... and if I do not particularly like them in that way.. alone. ok.. so the alone thing is the norm... but that is ok because I know he is out there... I know. Optimism... part of my nature.... it is what has kept me from doing really serious harm to myself.. 6:22 a.m. - 2005-11-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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