tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it is ok as I sit here drinking the first cup of the day.. staring out my window at my world of contrasts.... black and white.. cold and in this world mistakes often unforgiving. and in this world.. drops of red drawing attention. my rune today... the blank rune.. the empty rune.. from which all things are possible. I'm smiling... actually a chuckle or two have escaped me. and my rune.. one that I made myself smooth and rounded.. long before my dream... reminding me of the ones in the place of blessings.... and the knowledge warmed my soul. D called me last night...and after.. my sleep did not come easy. we also sent messages back and forth part of the afternoon... glimpses though sometimes veiled as we danced the dance of life.. our life. and last night sometime during all my tossing and twisting of the bed clothes. I understood. and in dreams scattered... the old man and an elephant and words... but one thread stood out as my mind traveled many. it was a question... and as I argued both sides of the issue as understanding came... this morning I can smile. I understand. and it is not for me to defend my decision... my D... we will laugh again and lovehas never left and one day see each other again. I wanted to call... wake him should he be sleeping to tell him... what I was shown... instead I placed a kiss on his sleeping forehead... saddened to see..even in sleep he was tense... his brow furrowed. and I kissed his closed eyelids.. gently with the hopes that whatever he was seeing deep in sleep... it would comfort him. for as much as I understood... it only tore down walls that even I had no idea I was busy building.... but so much for that.. I must go out and shovel... shop for groceries... try to start the xmas thing and maybe even decorate. the xmas spirit has gotten hold of me.. finally. maybe because I no longer feel the weight of loneliness. the old man told me... I am never alone... I just had to believe it. and on another note.. how good is it to wake with an email from one of my bosses to say he forgot to tell me but he has also given me a bonus... though not able to give as much as my other boss but to know he would have if he could. I will take it... Cool. 7:35 a.m. - 2005-12-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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