tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- today annointing my head, my hands, my feet with alabaster oil. sometimes it is the irrational that makes sense. I worry so about the kid... he is on that line.. finals this week and after getting his comp grade he is so unsure of himself.... and I couldn't even give him words of encouragement other than you are bright.. you can do this... but the truth... he hasn't put into it what he should.... what he needed.... this morning my prayer .. please gods.. let it be for the kid. my weekend...a time of reflecting on surprises and my resolve... I went to see HP.. by myself.. an afternoon matinee. I am so proud of myself... it wasn't bad.. I can do that... and before I went.. words from a friend... encouraging as he knew I could do that myself.. He sees much more in me than I think I am... He sees what I would want me to be... strange how that is. We have been friends for the longest... since that day when I found out more than I would ever have expected... since that day when the hurt from D was too much. He was there. We have been friends.. nothing more.. we go to dinner... I accompany him to events he needs to be at... we go for walks in the forest together.,, but yesterday.. he asked me to consider coming to his house for the weekend.. and before I could panic... he reminded me he has a guest bedroom for me. I laughed... said I would think about it... and then he laughed and said... we are friends.. you do know that.. but one day I hope we will be lovers. My laugh choked in my throat. I told him I had to go get busy... He said he was going back to write... He is working on the "novel"... Has finally set blocks of time to work on it seriously. The laugh is still choking my thoat... why did he have to ruin it... or did he. Maybe I needed to feel wanted this weekend when thoughts of who another was spending his time with.. occupied my heart. and my rune this morning... Seems in many ways.. strength is my enemy. I need to find the strngth to let go in this silence. Hmmmmm 6:46 a.m. - 2005-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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