tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- relationships Liars... people whose words mean nothing... they are the worst. sure, many define their lies as truths in the moment.. or better.. half truths... or try to use their myriad of personality flaws for excuses but when it all comes down to it... they are liars.... a simple common thread runs thru them all.. the inability to care truly about another. that's what lies are .. you know... the inability to care.. either about who you are telling the lie to... and the excuses don't really mean anything... or yourself for not being able to love yourself enough to be sure that who you are is important enough. and they come in all sizes, shapes, colors, ambitions, intelligence... all lacking the ability to put word after word in place and have it come from that place of truth. I have always been attracted to well spoken people.. people that talked outside the lines.. people that could see beyond the mundane day to day happenings. people that could talk on many levels at once... and maybe.. just maybe that is where my problem with relationships comes from... the old man says I project too much expectation... and at the same time, too much acceptance.... that no one can live up to my beliefs of who they are because I see their soul ... but they don't know that and so rather than tell me something that is unpleasant they lie.. and once a lie starts.. it only grows.. and then when even part of the lie is found out... we are never the same. Yet, their soul remains what I see... so whatever I feel is not connected to the lie... and I hurt then.. deeply. we talked about relationships .. the old man and I... last night in my dreams... I am smiling,,, I guess I will be alone for what is left of my life... and not so sure I feel bad about that anymore. For I know... there will be friends.. close friends.. and we will date and love and share.. but I am attracted to the wrong people.. it seems, that is my path... so they will be kept at arms length.. because that is how I will wake each morning with a smile and sleep will be easy. and I have a great imagination, a love of books and nature... all 3 of which I do not need a partner to enjoy. It is the holidays after all... and I wish the world... no.. I wish the children of the world.. peace, safety, warmth, comfort. for we are all children.. are we not? 6:53 a.m. - 2005-12-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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