tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and so I was depressed If someone had told me I was depressed and got this way every holiday season.. I would have said they were crazy. I am not a depressed person.. I do not get depressed.. I hit the lows and get back up feet high on the clouds .. flying. Most of the time.. he said... Usually... but not these holidays... it is too much.. you focus on everyone else and forget to keep strong... and then it attacks you.. the only way it can. I smiled.. not every year... and we looked back. Every year but one... for most of my life.. even as a child. I thought about that.. but only for a brief moment and then the pain got too much. no one will understand how alone I have always felt. but I will not go to that place. I just won't. So he took my hand... danced a jig that sent me into laughing uncontrollably.. he told me to stop leading with my chin... and gave me the biggest hug... and this morning.. I feel calm.. as if in a vacumn.. and I thanked the gods for giving me friends that make me laugh and face the truth. but of course I couldn't resist asking why they give me the other ones also... you know the ones... that smile in your face but behind the eyes... are dead. no answer to that... or maybe it was not worth even mentioning... that is how much they should be to my psyche. Maybe. 11:00 a.m. - 2005-12-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||