tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- complete betrayal.. it was.. was it not? no more robin and the maid.. he was waiting for me.. he had already been there and found the perfect outfit for me .. at least he thought... he didn't say anything just had her show me the outfits... I chose it right off.. the same one he wanted.. she told me what he had done.. how he had been there going thru them looking for the right one.. and it was.. purple and red and gold and outrageous... and then we looked for him.. she and I wanted the purple striped leopard trimmed zoot suit... he folded.. he wanted the wizard but he folded... with a smile... we will have fun.... I can't wait.. we don't talk about love much.. he asks me if I am happy... and I am... we talk about sometime in the future possibly taking this to another level... I am not near that commitment place as yet and without it there will be no going to the next level... and he wants it that way just as much as I do. and co-incidences.. she sees them as I do... are they the same person? I would not hesitate to believe they were.. I have often thought that thru the years.. she has also... same first letter.. same.. only attracted to blondes... same woe is me .. been thru so much.. been hurt so ... needy... and lots of stuff that in time I said ...wait.. this is too much... too co-incidental.. and I thought she probably knew.. but I am not so sure she did now... and it is just one more reason... but what kind of person could do that to me... me... from his childhood... a me.. that only wished good for him... his betrayal was total and complete.. his words as rain falling on my desert .. gone before they hit the ground. No... I can't go there... I just can't. for even the brief moment of indulgence makes me want to vomit.. the implications tearing at the roots of my being. total and complete betrayal.. how could he? Old man.. hold my hand tight... I fear the windstorm of the sliding... and who will be in control now? 6:47 a.m. - 2006-02-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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