tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- is he a keeper???? He said... I know... I see it each time I first come over.. the sliding of your personalities until at last it settles on one you are comfortable with. He said.. I see it each time I say something and you are not quite sure how it was meant.. again.. the sliding as you find the one to handle it. He said.. I see it in your posture.. your smile.. even how curly your hair is or becomes.. I asked him if it made a difference.. He laughed and said he was lucky.. he never has to worry about getting bored... he has his own harem in a manner of speaking, He said though that the things that matter do not seem to change and that is why he didn't get overly concerned.. it was just who I was. He might just be a keeper ... this one just might be. and I did not go to the Y last night.. I needed time to curl up and be alone... and today the snow storm... at least I will walk on my treadmill so it won't be a total abandonment of my routine... and the concern for my Mom is confusing.. is she sick or is this more of her hypochondria.. My brother says she told him it was not her heart.. they didn't know what it was.. She says it is to me... yet... it is hard to believe her. She had an attack Friday... so she says now... but supposedly that was not her heart... or it was.. I don't know... and I hate the thought of going down there when I go to pick the kid up next week and see his show... That would mean we would not get back here until Sunday and he is going back on Tuesday nite... and he has lots of forms to fill out.. lots of essays to write.. they have to be done before he goes back. and maybe that is what is bothering me right now.. too much pressure being put on me to do what I do not wnat to do. I just don't know. and my dreams.. like memories and going thru my day I remember and find it harder and harder to realize it did not happen in this reality... D is not that way... he really isn't... and maybe because he enters my dreams so often.. maybe that explains why it seems like yesterday I saw him.. not the 17 months it has actually been... I like the d of my dreams much better than the d in this reality. so is this reality the + or the - ... the push or the pull.. the white or the black.. the up or the down.. pulsating energy.. maybe it is not my dream world I am remembering but that other.. the one I am in on the up beat or is it the downbeat.. the moment of the sound or the moment between the sound... yes.. when that tree fell in the forest... I heard the sound sitting comfortably in my old easy chair curled up in an afghan. 6:58 a.m. - 2006-03-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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