tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my son, the biggest tug to my heart I felt the gray hairs last nite.. growing in my sleepless state. The kid... only 2 people will have this effect... tyhis time it was the kid. Mom, I'm sorry to wake you but I'm reallly upset and scared. Now.. he didn't have to tell me that.. I could hear it in his voice and I was not sleeping so much as closing my eyes and visualizing. What is wrong.. I tried to keep anything but calm and soothing sounds out of my voice. I do not have a room on campus next year.. He almost screams.. i try to be patient and calm.. sure you do... you even paid your hall fee for next year. I know Mom.. but they posted room assignments and I am not on the list. OK... what have you done.. it must be a mistake... I went to the rector and he is checking into it. Mom, what am I going to do? I tried to be soothing even though my stomach was getting sick.. and it wasn't as if it had far to go... After he hung up I called the rector... the kid had missed one of the emails that he needed to reply to... so he did not have a room on campus... but... the rector had already sent an email.. He didn't think there would be a problem.. it was the last day for changes and hopefully it will all work out... Can I rest easy tonite I asked him.. he laughed... I won't say positively that you have nothing to worry about... I can't say what they will or won't do.. I only surmise this should get taken care of without too much problem. So I did not sleep much.. I hope the kid did a good job on his essay he had to write last nite.. I tried to call him after I talked with the rector but he couldn't be reached. I am angry with him.. had he just paid more attention to what he needs than to what he wants.. he would have read this email and taken care of it.. I have had to remind him about dates for choosing his ND college... his major... and now his dorm.. but he said.. Mom... I am so frightened.. it is the same feeling that I had after I had the accident. I wanted to comfort him.. to take him down another path.. His fear is that Mom may not be able to fix this and that it is his fault... His Fault... He understands consequences of actions... His actions.. His consequences. but I did not sleep last night.. trying to find the place where if the worst happens ... how bad could it be? For him.. it would be bad. He needs to be on campus. But it is not life threatening or a problem without obvious rememdies. I will call this morning... there are no emails from the rector.. He thought he would have it solved last night.. for sure today.. but no emails. and I will send positive energy ( if I have any left ) to my son... guide his steps today... calm his soul... ease his fear. and hope that he ran into some friends and they talked with him and helped... for I was the only one he would have called. 6:39 a.m. - 2006-03-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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