tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I need to change my path - maybe I will be able to sleep into our lives time and again there come moments, our individual epiphany if you will, when with right action on the game board of life, one gets to move ahead more than one or two spaces. the problem is: having the ability to recognise when that moment occurs and knowing what action to put with it. bluejays are playing in the yard and trees behind me... their blue striking against the stark white and black... and the patch of green. I wnat to paint this picture.. exact.. ahhh.. but my hands do not paint exact. the kid did well with his roommates.. He went into it leaving it to the hands of the unknown.. as I have always told him to though never seem to be able to do myself.... and he called excited... He has already talked and made plans with his new roommates more in one evening than he has in the last year with his present roommates. I am happy for him... and I thought about that.. about his totally accepting of what is.. without trying to manipulate in any way... just going with it. and I wanted to be able to do that.. I wanted to not get excited when the direction starts becoming apparent... not running off before I should.. not confusing what does not need to be confused. and I wanted to have his sureness... is it because he has his whole life ahead of him and I... an old lady nearing her end? and I know the path.... and I know all the myths about not looking back... so why do I do it continually. co-incidences??? if I believed in satan some would say.. not co-incidences but temptations.. and this... this path I am on... I have lied and am numb... I would have to say... me... whose life has been about truth.. and the ability to feel everything.. seen and unseen... I would have to say.. maybe.. just maybe.. I am on the wrong path or at least have taken a detour off the right path. the trip to my Mom's wedding will be welcomed... me, my brother and ... if you can believe it.. my dad.. her ex... 7:30 a.m. - 2006-04-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||