tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dance, fool dance you would think I could have slept last night.. between stepping up the workout at the Y... and then coming home and working outside... I was exhausted. but sleep was not to be had.. not that I couldn't fall asleep... I did quickly as usual.. but then.. gradually I realised... I was awake and what I thought was real was just a dream.. waking or sleeping ... it was just dreams or the mind wandering to paths it knows better than to walk on. yet.. if it continues wandering there.. at least in that semi conscious state when I can really do nothing about it... maybe it is just my soul needs to play and his favorite playmate is only found when I am in that state. odd.. how I think of my soul in masculine terms... I do, you know... I mean, I know we all possess male and female stuff.. that our lifetimes are spent as both.. and as much as I can only remember the female... could the male be the memories of the person I know but do not know... could it have been me all the while... the stranger of the dreams.. on the other side... I don't think there is much of a male/female distinction.. when I see my dear one from the other side and feel the emotions when I am blessed to remember... they are not about male/female attraction / love... it is a more pure love.. a love that is complete and one.. when understanding comes.. anger and sadness melt away. of course... don't forget it is I... caped wonder who was in control when the break through came. yes.. I know.. it is not about personal glory... no.. no... don't thank me.. it is alright.. I did it out of love... sleep little ones.. I am just getting started and having a good time at that. now on another topic.. you have to wonder about people who see themselves as evil/bad/worthless... you wonder what their motivation is... and just how much religion has to play in all of it... tales of the monks who scourged themselves daily to show their love/devotiion... how about... get over ourselves.. we are not that important... but we are blessed and loved and ... mini gods that we are.. given a wonderful playground of life and color and sound... have fun with it... there are so many that need so much... real moment stuff... like food, water, housing, clothing, shelter, and safety from abuse... so many opportunities to feel worthwhile... and to do the right thing. see.. I am not all self centered as some may think... I do have compassion... and I send wonderful energies to the universe... and today I will dance in the orange.. try it sometime... you just may like the dance. 7:02 a.m. - 2006-04-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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