tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- when a door closes - does another open? words... in the beginning was ...... so how apropos that it would be words that attract me so. and I am not naive enough to think that all words are equal and that truth does not lie.. but the written thought attracts on a level difficult to explain... unless.. of course.. one can see the dance of the colors or enter that moment between is and was.. and hear the music of creation... and if you could .. then you would know that explanations are impossible. morning breaks... and its sunshine warms and soothes that part of me that awoke before I could get control... sending memories and thoughts on paths that I.. yes me.. will not trod. and in my mind.. I have created this person.. this one sitting behind his computer screen writing feverishly.. a great smile on his face as he knows the truth about words. Today, Easter Sunday... it was Good Friday in 1995 that I felt the energy directing.. it was on Easter Sunday 1995 that I made a decision.... it was July 4th that I enacted that decision and so on July 7th, 1995.. my son and I, packed and determined... walked out of my marriage. Never once looking back. It was the correct choice of action and the reasons were varied... and this morning as all this came back to my memories.. I thought of the reasons... both why I had gotten married and why I needed to walk out of it. I thought about the we of me... I thought about life since then... I thought about my son and what he has accomplished now and what he may have then.. I thought of the reasons that this was coming to me now. ahh.. it is the honesty thing... being true to myself and my son's query... so he has changed? he is no longer prejudiced? isn't that every women's duty to transform their man? we laughed at that as M has made some changes in the kid already.. good changes... he acknowledges that. BUT... the me of me's scream... I don't want to have to change anyone.. in my reality no one changes..we meld together...we accept the differences.. slight though they may be. YET... truth is.. the L word seems to have eluded me this time around... and I, yes me.. says.who cares.. for I have the beauty of life around me... and a garden I want to create and lots and lots of physical clearing work and it is spring and my paths await and music and color fill the air... and I am happy... for I know my secret.. acceptance. and now.. to go skip upon my cobblestone paths... and if you hear something in the wind.. that you can't quite put a finger on.. well, it just might be me singing. you just never know.
8:54 a.m. - 2006-04-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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