tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- time to dance... and I will do we create unfortunate events merely by expecting them? if we allow ourselves to sink into what if's and the sadness comes..why then, we created our own misery so if expectation is the forerunner of the future then .. I surely had a hand in the events of this past weekend. the trip to my mother's wedding ( which did not happen, by the way )/ b-day was everything I expected... and so the trip which should have been 11 hours long.. now lasted 16!!!! Fun fun.. with a maniac brother and the dad figure... complete with ticket for speeding.. now that's some memories!!! We.. all of me... well, we all tried to stay in the background.. even I, caped wonder did not want a piece of this. though, of course... everything was MY fault. Hmmm... ya gotta wonder... maybe it was. But... there is nothing better than that feeling of getting home again.. even if the home... is not so much the home but a place of quiet and refuge... that moment of walking in the silence.. the peace settling. I had gone to that moment between everything and nothing so as bad as it was... it did not penetrate my calm ever... nor did it stop the laughter ... which I did often.. much to everyones dismay.. I was prepared and come what may.. I knew... by Monday it would be over... but walking thru the door.. that is when I realized just how stressful being in the midst of turmoil can be... and so I laughed.. and danced and sang.. for I was free and no longer assaulted by anger and violence.. there was a high point in all the mess... Chauncey. Cool name isn't it? I thought so... great guy. He has a good laugh.. a good outlook.. and knows.. just knows.. Chauncey made the non wedding day better. and my lunch date did not happen... I never made the call and he did not call either... not that it wouldn't have been nice.. just that I didn't have the necessary energy to deal with him... I did not want to comfort him on his latest breakup... at our age... going thru 3 or 4 serious relationships a year tends to lose something in translation... and if he truly wanted me... well, he hasn't found the right approach, I guess. wtf.. he is too easy... if I lived there.. we would date... but I don't and I am not doing a long distance thingee ever again.. even if it is just for a month or two while I move... been there and done that... but... the trip.. saw beautiful country.. and the weather turned out great for most of it... and we are back.. we are excited... it is spring and though love may not be in the air in my immediate life... why.. possibilities abound...it is the time. and you just never know... but I am expecting... and if expectation is indeed a part of the future.. then I am on my way. the electricity tempts.... I will dance... dance fool dance. 6:56 a.m. - 2006-04-25 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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