tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and so it begins and as the wheel turns once again, must remember to center. must remember to keep that which I know is true foremost. not to react but to act, calmly and with laughter. Calmly and with laughter. Must remember. and to feel the green, which always brings me to the gold.. which brings me to he and then the colors explode...the reds bring me the intense.. the orange the laughter of life.. blue the calmness when I get too carried away with what is. we have come to the inevitable conclusion that though I have crossed to the other side of the chasm of pain... he will always be among those first thoughts of the morning and the last thoughts at night. the kid called for a moment.. as he was taking the subway to meet his cousin... the one who thinks of him as a son.. the son she never had.. his father told him... other words briefly.. he, not realizing how much he was hurting me... for I will never let him know. they want him to come every couple of months... so much to offer him on his vacations from school. I smiled as he told me all this... so what do you think... I smiled as he asked... after all I had him for 18 years.. words of his father, I know.. and now he would like to know his other family. his other family.. I wanted to scream at him... your other family that your FATHER didn't see fit to take you to all these years when he could... when it would have been nice.. that same father who has done very little all these years to get you to this place. but I didn't.. I smiled... and said how wonderful for him. I fear it will be a long time before I see the kid again when I take him back to college in just a couple of weeks. long time. and now it is time to to understand the plans I must make for myself... with a smile and a laugh or two... it will be the way.. it is the way.
7:42 a.m. - 2006-07-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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