tarkis's Diaryland Diary

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new years dilemma

the last day of the year and I am faced with a dilemma.. not often since my youth have I been faced with this...

I have been invited by 3 different people to do something for New Years...

1) The guy that I have dated ( mostly not ) for the last 11 months ( the same one that I have tried and tried for the the last 6 months to get to accept this is going nowhere ) but then he catches me off guard and I agree to do something with him... ( a no sex.. no sleep over relationship )and he asked first...

2) the guy I really enjoy being with.. and it is to the pagan celebration / ceremony... which I would love... but since he asked me yesterday.. I am assuming he asked someone else first and she declined.. though he says he knows he screwed up by not asking awhile ago ( we are completely honest with each other & he knows I have another date...) but he has eyes to die for and really really tries to go out of his way when we are together to show me something new and he sends the most beautiful flower arrangements... yep.. he's special! but there is a problem... if i go with him.. it is a sleep over... and the long house for women is filled.. too cold to sleep in a tent and his camper has only one bed ---- big bed.. but alas, only one... so though he is a gentleman... I do not want to start the new year with regrets... so ????????

3) my dear friend.... who I am attracted to... though on a mostly spiritual level... gives me the options of going to the cave... yep a real cave complete with pictures on the walls... ancient indian pictures...( the weather is gorgeous here ) and how wonderful.. we could create a fire in the cave... ???? or we could spend it outside near his pond... truly nice also....

choices 2 and 3 are both good.... yet, out of my own personal honor.. I know I will not break the date with #1.. just is not the proper thing to do...

but still.... do you think if I send out enough positives.. he will call and cancel himself??? ya think???
oh yah... that would work... fo course.. dare I hope that he does it in time...

because I have a feeling it will happen.. ( I have that much power - remember me - mini god that I am ) actually then it will be completely over and we can go our separate ways ( at least I can without regrest )

but it will be too late for the others ( that would be his style )

which leaves me with choice #4 - to stay home - have a purely spiritual ceremony alone and then at midnight come out and drink a toast with my son and a couple of his friends that he is planning to have over.

and that ain't half bad either.

So - how ever it goes... must not forget...

Happy New year to all of you that may read this.. for mine will be.

the decision is in... well.. so there it is.. crap.

but.. always one to try to look at the bigger picture..

the only new years I have ever spent with the person I really wanted to be with... was one filled with lies... and in just weeks from that day....

oops sorry... you know how it is... just happened...

in other words.. you really didn't think I meant it did you...

so.. at least this time I won't have to worry about tomorrow.. I know what that is going to bring.. at least with this date...

NOTHING....

YEA!!!!!!!!!!!

9:07 a.m. - 2006-12-31

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