tarkis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- it is done the cycle of life.... the yin and yang. My son's father died yesterday. and I remembered. I had just been released from the hospital. Michael, the man I had lived with for the last 12 years, had come home and because of what was happening in his life, took one look at me sleeping peacefully and lost it... beating me to unconsciousness.. I was 6 months pregnant. When I came to.. he was sleeping next to me... I got up.. and ran.. out the door with just a nightgown... I made it to an apartment on another floor and a maid found me... called the police and ambulance. I never saw Michael again. I pressed charges.. and walked away.. The baby died. One of my best friends picked me up at the hospital.. she took me to live with her.. her husband and my godson. A couple days later I met my son's father. he was everything I needed at the time.. I needed to feel safe. I am always amazed that he wanted me... from the moment he saw me he said, he knew. even though my face was still so swollen and disfigured... even though in my eyes he could see the fear... even though the sadness of losing the baby was so consuming. He always said it was my laugh.. the ability to laugh in spite of everything. and now he is finally gone. oh, we have been apart for many years.. but in the deepest part of me I knew that no matter what.. I need not fear anyone or anything... while he ws alive, and when my son called to say he had died... for a moment I felt irrational fear. I spent much time last night remembering... our life together had not been bad... and now he was gone.. and I felt the tears fall... for him, for me.. and most of all for our son who is so far away right now and having to make decisions that are his own to make. I pray he makes the right ones. 6:37 a.m. - 2007-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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